Tender Wings of Desire Page 2

  “You are too much. Our Madeline is going to have her hands full with you.”

  The sudden use of her name snapped Madeline back to earth, surprising her in a way that almost embarrassed her. Suddenly being shoved into the spotlight overwhelmed her a bit. Although she desperately wanted to simply be ignored during this outing, she knew that would not happen anytime soon, thanks to the news that would be announced right before the dancing.

  A gong rang to signify that dinner was ready in the next room, and Reginald gave her arm a soft pat.

  “May I escort you into the dining room?” he asked her gently. She smiled at him and nodded. They walked together, leaving Victoria and her mother to find their own way, and she suddenly felt very strange. It was the first time she had been out in public paired up with him, and although she knew that it was bound to happen one day, the fact that it was happening at that very moment was shocking to her. How was she going to go through the rest of her life being a duchess if she could barely process the idea of wearing the coronet right now?

  “You look beautiful tonight,” Reginald said as he sat beside her. Her mouth went dry and she reached for the glass of red wine before her. She was barely old enough to get away with drinking wine at dinner, and she knew that no matter what she wasn’t allowed to drink to excess, so she wet her lips with the sweet-tasting wine and desperately tried to think of something witty to say. That was her strength, right?

  “Thank you,” she replied dumbly. Was that all she had? Reginald smiled. His eyes were so kind, and yet the pit in Madeline’s stomach grew wider and wider. “You look nice too,” she added, cursing herself terribly for sounding like such a fool. He looked down at his plate, but Madeline could see the ghost of a smile on his lips. At least she could make him happy.

  The rest of the dinner went without a hitch, with delicious food and lively conversation. Madeline never really knew how to conduct herself in situations like these, which only made her think about her role as a duchess even more.

  Wouldn’t it be her job to host parties? To birth children? Wouldn’t she have to be charming in a perfectly wonderful yet unthreatening way? Did she want all of that?

  Her fears grew and grew, until the moment her father tapped his knife against his wine glass and stood.

  “I would like to thank our gracious hosts for a wonderful meal, and before we all begin dancing, I just wanted to announce the engagement of our dear daughter, Lady Madeline Parker, and the Duke of Sainsbury, Reginald Lewis…they will be married in the spring!”

  A hush fell over the rather large table as everyone turned to look at the couple. Madeline could feel Victoria’s eyes on her, brimming with a sort of joyous envy and happiness. She felt Reginald beside her, beaming proudly. Madeline forced her expression into a smile.

  The spring? It was already late February. Spring would arrive before she knew it. Suddenly the reality of it all came crashing down on her head. Reginald reached for her hand on top of the table, giving it a light squeeze that should have made her heart skip a beat, but instead just made her skin crawl.

  She would not admit it then, but that was when her plan began to take shape.

  CHAPTER THREE

  She did not realize it was a plan until the night before her wedding. She was to be an April bride. Once she really thought about it, she was shocked to discover that she did not care which month it was. Victoria was the type to care about such things.

  In fact, it seemed as though Victoria cared far more about Madeline’s wedding than Madeline did. She buzzed around happily, helping her plan almost every minute detail. Even when it was clear that Victoria was doing most of the planning—from the style of her lilac bridesmaid’s gown to the type of flowers that would decorate their house for the lunch that was to follow the ceremony—Madeline felt as though she were sleepwalking through all of the proceedings, and no one seemed to notice.

  The night before the wedding, her family threw a little dinner party, inviting her fiancé and his family. Reginald was the eldest son of the Lewis family, but he boasted a younger brother and sister, twins, in fact, who were roughly Victoria’s age. Their names were Gemma and Gerald, and they seemed like two perfectly sweet people. Victoria had already decided that she was infatuated with Gerald, and that Gemmamust be her best friend. Madeline decided that no matter who those two ended up being, Victoria would feel the same way.

  Gemma, to her credit, seemed only to have eyes for Winston, up from university to attend the wedding. She had a pretty decent eye; Winston was handsome in a strapping way, with brown curls similar to Madeline’s and their mother’s brown eyes. They twinkled now as he winked at Madeline from across the dinner table. Madeline had been able to maintain the ruse of happiness in front of everyone else, but Winston was always able to figure out when something was wrong with her.

  Reginald, on the other hand, seemed completely oblivious as he discussed some business or other with Papa. She was so bored she could almost fall asleep, and Winston’s swift kick from under the table told her that, apparently, that was obvious.

  “Where is the honeymoon planned?” Winston asked, attempting to steer the conversation into territory more people could participate in. Reginald gently dabbed his lips with a napkin before responding.

  “I was considering going to London, perhaps. Maybe take some time in the country.”

  Madeline had already been to London;shelived in the country. She at least thought her honeymoon could be spent somewhere interesting, but it seemed should would experience more of the same. Victoria considered the entire thing rapturously.

  “How lovely,” she breathed. “A cottage in the country.”

  It seemed very much like the life Madeline had been living so far, and while her life had been lovely, she could not shake the feeling that a window of opportunity was closing.

  “What do you think, Maddie?” Winston asked, snapping her out of her self-pitying reverie. She reached for her wine glass.

  “It sounds lovely,” she replied quietly. What else could she say? She was trapped on the rails and there was no escaping it. She cast her eyes down at her meal so she could not see the beseeching concern in her brother’s eyes.

  After dinner, Mama ushered the Lewis family out, crowing about how it was poor luck for the groom to lay eyes on the bride the night before the wedding. Reginald gave her a timid goodbye and Madeline returned it, all the while trying to ignore that terrible feeling that still nagged at her stomach.

  “Think of it,” Mama said happily. “Our eldest daughter, married to aduke!”

  She turned to Victoria, who was still trying her best not to look envious. “Do not worry, my darling. As the sister of a duchess, your marriage prospects will certainly improve!”

  This seemed to snap Victoria out of it. “Oh, Mama, do you truly believe so?”

  Mama brushed an errant strand of blonde hair off of Victoria’s forehead. “I know so, my angel.”

  Madeline thought she might throw up.

  “I am going to be in the library reading,” she said a little too quickly before fleeing the parlor. As she walked down the hall, she could hear her mother’s tinkling laughter.

  “Wedding jitters!” she crowed. “I know it well!”

  But Madeline wasn’t sure if that was the case as she closed the library door behind her. She wasn’t sure what was wrong with her. This was every woman’s dream, wasn’t it? She was going to marry aduke, which was insanely advantageous for her family. Reginald was a decent sort, seemed kind, and was handsome, even if he did not give her the butterflies she had always dreamed of. What was she to do even if she did not want him? Scandalize the county? Break her mother’s heart?

  “You do not have to go through with it, you know,” a voice said from the doorway. She started for a moment before looking up to see Winston, standing there with his arms folded, looking about as serious as she had ever seen him. She collapsed back into her chair.

  “Says you.”

  “I am
serious, Maddie, you look like you are about to burst, and not with happiness like a bride should.”

  “Are brides supposed to be bursting with happiness?” Madeline asked absentmindedly. “In this day and age? Perhaps those who marry for love…”

  She hated admitting it, and the look on her brother’s face only seemed to highlight just how sad it all really was. He walked to her side and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, and she placed her hand over it, giving it a gentle squeeze.

  “You do not have to marry him,” Winston said again. Madeline gave a little laugh.

  “Little late for that, do you not think? Plus, not everyone marries for love.” She looked up at him with eyes that she hoped weren’t too challenging. “Do you honestly think that you will?”

  The question seemed to embarrass Winston, and he looked away to gather his thoughts before speaking. “I hope to. I think we all hope to.”

  “Victoria doesn’t,” Madeline said, trying not to sound jealous of her younger sister but knowing it was useless. Winston shook his head.

  “I do not think Victoria actually knows one way or another what she wants, and she certainly does not understand what it all means,” he replied calmly. “She’ll figure it out one day, I suppose.”

  “Or not. She seems the kind of lady who was born to be married.”

  Winston chuckled. “No one isborn for that, not really. Come on, you have a big day tomorrow. I’ll walk you to bed.”

  The two of them left the library, heading up the stairs into the ladies’ wing where Madeline’s room was. Once at her door, Winston lingered for a moment as though attempting to put together the correct thing to say.

  “I am just saying, if you were to run off and…join the circus or something, I honestly would not blame you.”

  Madeline laughed a bit, despite her surprise that he had guessed the very thing she had been dreaming of since the engagement was announced.

  “Thanks, dear brother. I’ll be sure to write you if I do.”

  Winston kissed her on the cheek in a brotherly manner before heading off to his room on the other side of the house. A little way down the hall, he stopped for a moment and turned back to look at her. There was something in his face, a sadness she could not fully understand, and it made her feel stranger than she had ever felt before.

  “Good night, Maddie,” he said.

  “Good night, Winston,” she replied.

  And with that he disappeared down the hall. Madeline slipped into her room then, where Eliza, her lady’s maid, had already set out her nightclothes. Madeline looked at the lace and linen nightgown and felt something break inside of her. Waiting to help Madeline unlace her nightgown, Eliza stood prim and proper in her black-and-white uniform.

  It all clicked for Madeline then, what she had to do. She put on a happy face and turned to Eliza, who was about to begin unlacing her gown.

  “I am sorry,” she said, pretending to giggle with a carefree expression. “Would you mind terribly if I were to put myself to bed tonight?”

  Eliza looked confused for a moment. “But miss…”

  “It is okay, really, I’ll put everything away. You are dismissed, Eliza.”

  Her maid did not bother to conceal her confusion as she backed out of the bedroom and closed the door behind her. Madeline quickly unlaced the rather elaborate evening dress and let it pool to the ground. Standing in nothing but her corset and pantalets, she moved to her closet, grabbing a bag that she usually used for long trips. She grabbed as many plain dresses as she could find and slipped into a light blue muslin dress. Lacing up her riding boots, she slung the bag over her shoulder and sat on her bed, picturing Eliza’s trek down to the servants’ quarters. If she timed it well enough, maybe no one would notice that she was gone until it was too late.

  Twenty minutes later, clad in a black riding cloak with the hood up and casting shadows over her features, she snuck out of her bedroom and walked to the stairs as quickly as possible. The house was incredibly quiet, although distantly she believed that she could hear the murmur of voices. Were her parents talking before bed? Was she overhearing some servant’s tryst? She did not know, and it did not matter so long as they remained distracted.

  Madeline’s heart pounded as she left the house and entered the April night air. Winter had yet to truly relinquish its grip on the land, and the night air held a chill that ran shivers down Madeline’s spine. Perhaps this chill was less about the weather and more about how terrified she was of getting caught, but her footsteps led her to the stables of the manor.

  She loved to ride, and even now the idea of doing so thrilled her. She could hear the confused murmur of her father’s horses as her scent reached their nostrils. It definitely wasn’t the correct time of day for a ride and they knew that, but Madeline knew that the confused whinnying would pass soon enough, and the stables were too far from the house for this to raise any alarm. Madeline was sure they made noise at all times of the night.

  At the end of the line of stalls stood Madeline’s favorite, a sweet dapple gray named Persephone. Although all of the horses belonged to her father, everyone agreed that Persephone belonged to Madeline at heart. She gently patted Persephone’s neck and the horse whickered.

  “Would you like to go for a ride, my sweet girl?” Madeline cooed to her. Persephone whinnied.

  Having always preferred to saddle her own horse, Madeline had no trouble getting Persephone ready to ride, and under the cover of darkness, she led her beloved mare out of the stable.

  Luckily on this night the moon cast a silvery blue glow on everything. Though it might make her more easily spotted on the road, she would also be able to ride without needing a lantern, which would draw even more attention. After securing her travel bag onto Persephone’s saddle, she mounted up and gave one last look at the house.

  Most of the lights were out, but a few were still on, and she learned at a young age to which bedrooms they belonged. Victoria and her parents were asleep in their separate rooms, but Winston was still awake, and for a moment she wondered if he was looking out the window right now, watching her. She wondered if he would approve of what she was doing.

  The worst part was that although she loved her family, she knew that she would never be allowed back. However, she also knew that she needed to taste this freedom, even if it meant her ruin.

  “Goodbye,” she whispered to her family, knowing that they probably would not forgive her, but willing to take that chance. With a gentle “yah!” at Persephone, she flicked the reins and rode off and away from the only home she had ever known, not knowing where she was going but knowing that her destiny was ahead of her.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Once the sun began to rise, Madeline was surprised to find that she wasn’t a bit tired. Perhaps the shock of running away from home had killed all desire for sleep; in any case she knew that she had to keep moving no matter what, for if she stopped they would probably find her and then all of this would be over.

  She could not help but wonder what would happen if she was caught. Would they still make her marry Reginald? Would they simply put her in the madhouse? That seemed unlikely to her; her parents loved her no matter what, even if she had done something like this. She thought the situation would make her feel ashamed, but instead she felt exhilarated. She was free and riding off into some unknown adventure! Surely this was what she was meant to do.

  When Persephone tired, Madeline went into the forest to allow her to rest and drink from a nearby stream. She had a little pocket money she could use to buy a room at an inn for the following night, now that she had gotten some distance between her and the house. She wasn’t sure where she was going, but she knew that she was headed toward the sea, and for some reason that excited her. Madeline had only seen the sea once, back when she was a little girl. The memory seemed like a dream, but now she knew it was where she wanted to go. She most likely had a day’s ride, maybe two, before she reached it.

  Then what would she do? She
would have to figure that out, now wouldn’t she?

  She took a moment and sat in the quiet of the forest, listening to the sound of the babbling brook where Persephone was drinking. Madeline almost could not bring herself to think about her family, or what they must have been thinking the moment they discovered she was gone. She could picture the look of panic on her mother’s face that morning as she entered Madeline’s empty room, finding her gone. She thought about Eliza, her poor maid. She would be the one to raise the alarm, right?

  Madeline knew that they were probably furious, at least most of them. Victoria would never understand, and though Winston had basically guessed her predicament, he would know better than to speak up in her defense when the wounds were still fresh. How will they get out from under the scandal? The thought of that made her so queasy she had to sit on a rock by the brook to stop her heart from pounding.

  Should she go back? It was the first time she had considered such a thing, but immediately her heart answered with a resounding NO. It was far too late to do that anyway, and she was pretty sure that her old life was now officially destroyed, no matter what happened. If she went back, her family would still be furious, her wedding would still be canceled, and for all she knew her parents might want to put her in one of those asylums for hysterical girls, and she could not abide that. Her life had ended the moment she had taken that first step to run away. It was terrifying, but Madeline was going to have to find another life.

  That night she slept in an inn a little off the main road in the hopes that no one would recognize her or that those who were looking for her would not find her. She was successful, luckily, but still spent a fretful night barely able to sleep out of fear that her father would burst into her room and drag her home by her hair.

  She was back on the road the moment dawn hit, and she allowed herself to enjoy the feeling of riding once more. She still loved it, despite her fear since running away. With the wind in her hair and the beating of Persephone’s hooves, she felt like things might end up being okay. It also helped that she had entered territory where there wasn’t a remote chance of anyone knowing her, and her simple dress made her breeding hard to determine. She wanted to look like a simple woman out traveling on her own, and it seemed to be working just fine.